Tag: psychology

Lyudmila Petranovskaya “If It’s Difficult with a Child”

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The book If It’s Difficult with a Child by Lyudmila Petranovskaya is part of the “Close People” series. I decided to read it almost immediately after finishing the first book in the series, The Secret Support: Attachment in a Child’s Life. The first book focused on the various stages of a child’s development and how their behavior changes significantly during each stage. In this new book, the focus shifts to something else—how to deal with challenging situations when “it’s difficult with a child.” Both I and Lyudmila Petranovskaya are careful not to say “a difficult child” because it’s usually the situations that are difficult, while the child often becomes difficult due to the circumstances.

In this book, the author also addresses various situations, but one of the main messages is to try to see things from the child’s perspective and to understand why they act the way they do. Often, once you do, their behavior seems much more logical and even obvious.

This applies to many situations where something is forbidden for the child but allowed for adults. There are countless examples, starting with “you have to go to bed at 9 PM” or “you can only play on the computer for half an hour.” The child sees that their parents don’t go to bed that early, so why should they? Or if their father spends most of his time in front of a monitor (regardless of what he’s doing), why should the child be limited to just half an hour? Simple prohibitions no longer work in such cases, as the child doesn’t see any logic behind them.

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Sasha Galitsky “Mama, Don’t Worry!”

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Interestingly, the book Mama, Don’t Worry! by Sasha Galitsky was given to me by my wife. Not with any specific intent, she just liked the description, and she knows that in recent years I’ve been very interested in the topic of growing up (see my previous post, which touches on this as well—We Will Sing With the Voices).

The book has a subtitle: How to Learn to Communicate with Elderly Parents Without Losing Your Own Mind? It’s not that my parents are elderly yet (may they outlive us all), nor that I’m losing my mind when talking to them. But it’s interesting to explore why this issue might arise at all, and where I might end up in my own “development.”

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Brandon Webb, John David Mann “Mastering Fear: A Navy SEAL’s Guide”

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We all fear something—some things more, some less. And some fears begin to eat us up from the inside. The recently released book Mastering Fear tries to show how to change our attitude toward fear. Not to defeat it, because fear will remain, but to stop falling into a state of shock or paralysis because of it.

Formally, the book has two authors, but all the descriptions state that it’s a book by former Navy SEAL Brandon Webb, and the narrative itself is built as though it’s told by one person. So, let’s assume that John David Mann simply helped Webb “package” his thoughts properly.

Webb did indeed serve as a U.S. Navy SEAL, was a sniper, and later trained snipers. So, he’s immediately seen as someone who “knows no fear”—a real macho who eats fears for breakfast by the hundreds.

However, using his own past as an example, he shows that soldiers are simply trained to control their fear. He then shares his method for managing fear. He says: “You don’t need to fight fear. You need to accept it.”

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Lyudmila Petranovskaya “The Secret Support: Attachment in a Child’s Life”

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As an experienced father, I hadn’t heard of Lyudmila Petranovskaya. Turns out, my wife has known about her for a long time and reads her articles. I discovered her book on the recommendation of a colleague, a man. That’s when I learned that L. Petranovskaya is a well-known child psychologist in the modern world. And her book The Secret Support: Attachment in a Child’s Life introduced me to her as an author.

The book’s main message is to show that children always need their parents and that they seek support from them. However, they do this in different ways during different stages of life, which is why certain behaviors and “problems” manifest.

What really stood out from the first pages is that the author doesn’t try to present her opinion as the only correct one. She immediately states:

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Trust and Loyalty

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Working in an international company, I’ve experienced cultural differences firsthand between various nationalities. A year ago, I wrote a review of The Culture Map, a book I constantly recommend to colleagues. However, this topic is so broad and fascinating that it keeps resurfacing, especially as the understanding of these differences allows me to notice them in the behavior of those around me almost daily.

Today, I’d like to delve deeper into differences in trust and loyalty. Instead of comparing everyone, let’s focus on the typical American and the typical Russian. By “Russians,” I mean people from the former USSR, as this is how we are often viewed abroad. Of course, this is a diverse mix, and we’re not all the same (for example, I can clearly see differences between Russians and Belarusians, and within Russia itself, there are plenty of distinctions due to the sheer size of the country).

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Mark Manson “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

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I always thought that the midlife crisis was something out of the realm of psychological fiction, until this “fiction” overwhelmed me personally. And then I began to think about a lot of things and to reconsider much.

That’s when I came across the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. No, it’s not about middle age or even about its crisis. It’s more about the values we set for ourselves and how we do so. What we pay attention to, and what we SHOULD be paying attention to.

Some points are debatable, but overall, the author explains in a rather laid-back manner that many of the goals we set for ourselves, the things we strive for, are not actually what we truly need. Society imposes its values on us, preventing us from living happily and growing personally.

On the one hand, the author shows that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for who we haven’t become or never will be. He demonstrates that it’s often necessary to accept ourselves as we are and not stress over failures. And here lies the second important thing — mistakes and failures allow us to move forward. Self-doubt is a crucial part of our personal growth. In other words, we should doubt ourselves, but we shouldn’t worry about it.

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Mark Goulston “Talking to ‘Crazy'”

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I read the book in Russian, and the main issue with the translation is its title, which became How to Talk to Assholes in Russian. In the original, there’s no mention of “assholes”—the word used is “crazy.” However, to grab attention, the editors took liberties. This may have drawn some readers in, but the reality is the book isn’t about what its cover suggests.

I decided to read this book as a sort of follow-up to Robert Sutton’s The No Asshole Rule. But as it turned out, the two have nothing in common. However, the book was much better than I expected, given its strange title.

The author is a practicing psychologist who interacts with a lot of strange, even insane people through his work. He uses examples to demonstrate how one can communicate with people we find unbearable.

He starts with a brief classification of “crazy” people, explaining possible mechanisms of madness, and then moves on to discuss how to handle each specific case. Interestingly, through these examples, he shows that most problems stem from childhood, from the principles of upbringing. This, in turn, leaves a mark on the rest of one’s life.

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Philip Zimbardo “The Lucifer Effect. Understanding How Good People Turn Evil”

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Many have heard of the Stanford Prison Experiment or watched movies inspired by it, but few know the details or the man behind it. Philip Zimbardo is the one who conducted this experiment about 30 years ago. His book The Lucifer Effect is dedicated to several key questions. A large portion of it is a chronological account of the famous experiment and an analysis of its findings. Another significant part is a detailed examination of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal, where Zimbardo testified on behalf of one of the accused soldiers. Between these two sections, the author tries to explain the nature of evil. His main point: no one can be sure that, under certain conditions, they wouldn’t turn into a “Lucifer.” At the end of the book, he offers advice on how to prevent oneself from falling into evil.

Since the book is written by the author of the Stanford experiment himself, it’s hard to imagine anyone presenting the subject more thoroughly or thoughtfully. But this is also where the book’s downside lies. There are too many details, and the same ideas are often repeated. At some point, it starts to feel rather tedious.

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