Tag: maternity

Asya Kazantseva “Where Do Children Come From?”

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Asya Kazantseva is one of the most well-known popularizers of science. Her first published book Who Would Have Thought! literally blew up the market — it was so unconventional, since Asya spoke about complicated things in fairly simple language, with plenty of good humor. I myself was wildly enthusiastic, and so I gladly went on to read her next two books. After that, Asya disappeared from the public sphere as a writer for a while, though she continued to give many live lectures. And in 2023 her fourth book was released, titled Where Do Children Come From?

Here Asya stepped away from her favorite topics, deciding to talk about the myths and realities of pregnancy and childbirth. All the more so since she had tested it not only in theory but also in practice, having given birth to a daughter. She approached the topic as thoroughly as always, having studied a large amount of material long before her pregnancy.

And although, as usual, I made many notes while reading, for a very long time I couldn’t bring myself to start writing a review of this book. Because Asya’s second and third books were already somewhat weaker than the first, but this fourth one seemed to me the dullest. And the first one that I have absolutely no desire to recommend.

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Book: Fredrik Backman “Things My Son Needs to Know about the World”

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Before Fredrik Backman became world-famous — and before Tom Hanks himself starred in a film based on his book — he was a blogger. And in the same year his debut novel A Man Called Ove was published, a small book titled Things My Son Needs to Know about the World came out.

And it’s not a work of fiction at all. This is Backman the early blogger, pure and unfiltered. The book is made up of several sections-posts focused on a single theme: what the author, as a young father, wants to tell his son about life in this world. What he believes should matter to him.

But all of this is written in the form of letters — a monologue intended for his son, who will one day be the reader. In fact, Backman opens the book by apologizing to his son in advance for the next 18 years (until he comes of age).

I honestly don’t know whether I would have been able to write something like that 22 years ago when my first daughter was born. Probably not — I simply didn’t have enough life experience yet. And now I understand that my list would be enormous, spanning several volumes.

Backman, however, chooses to outline the main topics right away — the things his son absolutely must know. These include:

  • Motion-sensitive bathroom lights
  • IKEA
  • Soccer (football)
  • Stuff (whether possessions are worth worrying about)
  • Being a Man (that’s literally what he calls the chapter)
  • God and Airports (don’t ask why they’re in the same topic)
  • The Singing Plastic Giraffe (and similar toys gifted to young parents by well-meaning childless friends — friends who will soon cease to be friends)
  • Clashes with other parents on playgrounds (ah yes, those “experienced mothers of one child”)
  • Good and Evil (how could he skip that)
  • Starting a Band (an essential stage for every teenager)
  • Love
  • And “When I Hold Your Hand a Little Too Tight”
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Motherhood Age

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Recently, I stumbled upon discussions about the “right” age for motherhood, with some people arguing that once you’re past a certain age, it’s too late to have kids. It’s a very relevant and controversial topic. Some people defend a woman’s right to choose, while others use a celebrity’s health issues as fuel for the debate. Personally, I believe there are both advantages and disadvantages in any scenario.

Several factors influence the question of “at what age should you have children?” I am convinced that social norms play a significant role. In post-Soviet countries, for instance, the age of marriage and first childbirth tends to be relatively young. I suspect that this is largely shaped by factors such as average income, the proportion of this income that goes towards child-related benefits, and the length of maternity leave.

In many other countries, maternity leave is much shorter than in Belarus, and the cost of childcare (nannies, daycares) is very high. As a result, many women prioritize their careers, choosing to have children only after they feel financially stable. They also marry later in life. One of my German friends once said, “When I had my baby at 26, I felt like I dropped out of my social circle. Hardly anyone successful has kids that early. My friends are living very different lives.”

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Maternity Care in Cyprus

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The idea of writing about pregnancy and childbirth in both Belarus and Cyprus came to me after a discussion on Facebook. I’ll try to explain the differences in approach, and everyone can draw their own conclusions.

I’ve had six pregnancies. I managed the first three and gave birth in Belarus. During my fourth pregnancy, we moved to Cyprus. Later, I went to Belarus for a “vacation,” where, at seven months, I gave birth to a stillborn baby. My fifth and sixth pregnancies were managed and delivered in Cyprus.

In Cyprus, healthcare is free for a narrow segment of the population. For everyone else, insurance is necessary. A new system is currently being introduced, but I’ll explain how things were back then.

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How I (didn’t) breastfeed and what came of it

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Sometimes it seems to me that the overwhelming part of modern motherhood is lived under the slogan “If you’re not exhausted, you’re not a mother.” The pressure begins the moment you register at the prenatal clinic and will probably continue until retirement. I’m sure there are wonderful places and wonderful people—I’ve been fortunate to encounter some—but overall, things aren’t all that rosy.

My district gynecologist, who oversaw my first two pregnancies, was a prime example of a nightmare for a first-time mother. “Got knocked up?” she asked me sternly during my first visit in my first pregnancy. “What date should I book your abortion for?” was the first thing I heard from her the second time. Nowadays, I would probably set clear boundaries, or maybe I’d still be caught off guard, mumbling something like, “We were planning…”

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Giving Birth in Cyprus (Through the Husband’s Eyes)

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I haven’t written in a long time, and there were objective reasons for that. At the same time, my wife has been insisting for a while now that I simply must write about childbirth, as a male perspective on this topic is somehow more valuable than a female one. Well, the stars have aligned, and I’ve become a father once again, so all the impressions and experiences are very fresh.

As you may know, I’m practically a heroic father, as I now have five children. The first three were born in Minsk, Belarus, and the last two — in Lefkosia, Cyprus. Each time, I did my best to be as present at the births as possible (to the extent allowed by medical practices). So, I have plenty to compare. I’ll try to describe the whole nine-month process. I should clarify that our experience is based on private clinics. Some aspects will surely differ in public hospitals.

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