I can’t really call myself a person with vast experience in moving. Relocating from one apartment to another within the same city is an interesting experience, but it’s hardly something global. However, dropping everything and moving to another country — that I’ve done only once. And even then, my move was relatively easy, since I wasn’t moving into the unknown, but simply transferring to another office of my company. And the company — huge thanks to them — helped so much that I barely had to think about the process at all. Still, in 2014 my wife and I, along with our three children, moved to an entirely different country, and I learned a few things about what such a transition means.
On top of that, because of my job I’ve always communicated a lot with foreigners, and after 2010 that kind of interaction only grew — including business trips. That’s when I began to notice the cultural differences more clearly and look for ways to bridge them.
Unfortunately, after 2020, many of my fellow citizens were forced to leave their homeland. And in 2022, the brutal war with Ukraine made many people flee anywhere they could, sometimes leaving part of their families behind. Questions about moving — how to do it properly, what to expect — began to come up more and more often. I started keeping a separate document about the specifics of moving to Cyprus (in Russian) and tried to advise people who had already relocated or were just planning to.
And in those conversations, many recurring themes came up — some of which left me at a loss, because I simply didn’t expect to hear them from people planning to move abroad. Probably because I’ve always taken every matter too seriously, never making decisions without preparing thoroughly and learning everything I could. But not everyone is as crazy as I am.
As is often the case, I came across Oksana Korzun’s book How to Move to Another Country and Not Die of Homesickness completely by chance. But having all the experience I mentioned above, I was genuinely curious to read about the approaches and methods that could help other people through this process. Not for myself — I’ve more or less adapted already and don’t consider myself someone suffering from homesickness. I do miss close relatives and friends, yes, but not my homeland in the broader sense.
Oksana Korzun’s book is built almost entirely around the concept of culture shock: what causes it and how to overcome it. The author gives the following definition of this concept (all quotes below are in my translation from Russian):
In fact, culture shock is the loss of control over one’s life caused by a sudden change in social environment and cultural norms — a sense of uncertainty that is especially hard to endure when combined with the stress of relocation.
At some point, Oksana Korzun became interested in this phenomenon and decided to explore how it is studied in science — what definitions exist and what methods are used to overcome it. The whole book is not so much a guide on how to cope (as the title might suggest) as it is a description of the known approaches — and a rather brief one at that.
It begins with a short test to check whether you are experiencing culture shock (I’m not, according to it). Then comes a short dive into research: what stages of adaptation occur in a new place, how they unfold, what happens upon returning home (re-adaptation), as well as the theories of the U-curve, their modifications, and the criticism of them — which are precisely the theories about culture shock and how people adapt after relocation:
The U-curve of adaptation includes several stages:
— The initial “tourist” stage — positive emotions and high hopes for the future.
— The stage of disappointment — a person encounters social, everyday, and language difficulties, which trigger strong negative emotions that can escalate into health problems, destructive behavior, or even suicidal thoughts.
— The recovery stage — the person gradually learns to deal with problems and adapt; negative emotions begin to subside, and bright days outnumber dark ones.
— The biculturalism stage — the person has fully adapted; there are no longer issues with communication, work, or daily life. The immigrant feels safe and like a full-fledged member of society.
The next part discusses various symptoms of adaptation and ways to cope with stress — as well as the reasons why the process is easier for some people and harder for others (for example, why tolerant people adapt faster, which is quite obvious if you know the definition of the word “tolerant”).
In addition to the author’s reflections, the book contains many quotes from people who have experienced relocation — both those who adapted successfully and those who suffered through it. It seems that the author actively used these personal stories while preparing the book.
The book also emphasizes the idea that “we studied from different books.” Meaning, we were raised with different cultural references — we watched different movies, read different stories — and sometimes, in a new society, we simply have nothing to talk about with the locals. They haven’t seen Cheburashka, and jokes from Soviet films make no sense to them. Just as all their “obvious” references are lost on us. For example, almost any Western person instantly recognizes allusions and quotes from Mother Goose nursery rhymes. But does that name mean anything to you? And so it goes throughout life — we studied from different books.
At this point, the author briefly adds a quote from one of the relocated persons about our psychological barriers when it comes to foreign languages:
“I ran into a huge psychological language barrier. It turned out that the deeply ingrained childhood rule of ‘don’t you dare make a mistake’ leaves you completely unable to speak English — it’s frightening, shameful, and painfully difficult.”
Interestingly, I’ve observed the same thing myself. And I think this has largely been (and perhaps still is) a problem of our education system — where we were scolded for every mistake, and as a result, when we find ourselves in another country, we’re simply afraid to open our mouths for fear of looking stupid. In reality, though, most foreigners couldn’t care less about our mistakes as long as they understand us. And we improve our language skills only through practice — that is, by not being afraid to speak, speak, and speak again.
However, this is where the development of the topic almost ends. Although the author uses the word culture right at the beginning of the book, this idea is never really expanded or supported later. And yet the differences go far beyond the books we read as children (which, of course, is true). The broader context of cultural differences is not discussed at all. That, too, is about “different books,” but also about our overall perception of the world. A typical European differs from a typical Asian not only because of different books but also because of different worldviews, different approaches to perceiving events, and how those experiences shape our development and relationships. The topic is much deeper than that. And you don’t even have to go that far — a French person might have trouble communicating with an Englishman, and the English with Americans, even though they share the same language and, for the most part, the same literature. It’s a pity that this aspect wasn’t touched upon at all. (But for anyone interested, I recommend Erin Meyer’s The Culture Map — she explores this subject very thoroughly.)
In the section on “survival” strategies in a new environment, the author places assimilation (complete immersion in the local culture) and separation at opposite ends of the spectrum — the latter meaning a refusal to adopt local traditions and instead living by familiar habits, surrounded by objects and even people from one’s homeland (native language, TV programs, and films). A typical example of such separation is Brighton Beach, with its Soviet-style goods and stores. Unfortunately, this kind of survival means you permanently seal yourself inside a tiny world of your own, even though you’ve supposedly moved to another country.
The book is short and interesting as an introduction to the topic, but otherwise rather superficial and even leaves mixed feelings. I’ll try to explain why I think so.
I already mentioned the cultural aspect above. The book also says almost nothing about expectations — that no one owes you anything in a new place, that people may help you, but ultimately it’s your problem. And that your new life will never be like the one you had back home, where over 20, 30, or 40 years you built things up — friendships, property, stability, familiarity. The book briefly mentions that you won’t have that anymore, but it doesn’t emphasize that this is something you need to understand right away. And this becomes very clear in conversations with potential or newly arrived relocants. Many seem to expect that everyone in the new country somehow owes them something, simply because they’ve “graced” the place with their presence. Few want to grasp that another country means different rules. And it’s you, as the newcomer, who must accept those rules — not the country that must change them for you. To put it bluntly: if you don’t like it, nobody invited you — go home.
In one of the chapters, the author even writes that “one of the basic recommendations is to stop comparing countries.” But that’s fundamentally wrong, if you take the issue more broadly. Comparing things is not bad in itself — comparison helps you understand how to adjust your own mindset. If you don’t compare at all, you’ll constantly act and expect things according to your past experience. What you shouldn’t do, however, is divide everything into “good” and “bad.” You should simply accept that many things are different. For example, I often hear people say that healthcare in Cyprus is bad. But that’s not true. It’s just not like the kind many people from post-Soviet countries are used to. In fact, in many respects, it’s even much better. The same goes for other areas of life. You need to understand the differences — and once you do, your life becomes more predictable, and therefore simpler and calmer.
And there are quite a few such contradictory pieces of advice throughout the book.
It’s also worth mentioning all those quotes from the so-called “experienced” people. Of course, it’s interesting to read about the experiences of real individuals, but here the author seems to throw them around, without much thought as to how relevant or useful they actually are. Let me give a few examples.
- There are quite a few comments from people who have lived in their new country for only a few months (one woman, for instance, had been there just three). Their experiences are nothing more than first impressions — and yet they write as if they’ve already undergone profound change. Sorry, but I don’t buy it. They barely understand anything yet, and such comments are of little real value.
- Elsewhere, the book includes quotes from people who simply moved to another city. And that might make sense if those quotes appeared only in the chapter comparing domestic relocation to moving abroad — but no, they’re sprinkled throughout the book. And there they’re just irrelevant. Yes, moving to another city is stressful too, but it’s hardly comparable to moving into an entirely different culture.
- And some bits of advice outright contradict what was said just a paragraph earlier. For example, one woman, Zhenya, writes: “I recommend not overthinking it, don’t clutter your head with nonsense, and don’t listen to stupid advice.” Fair enough — except that it immediately follows a paragraph where the author advises readers to “study everything in advance and prepare.”
It gives the impression that most of the quoted inserts were added on the principle of “spreading them evenly across the book, wherever they happened to fit.”
All of this really spoils the overall impression, because it breaks the sense of cohesion and diminishes the book’s usefulness. In the end, I saw it merely as an interesting read on the topic — something to reflect on and consider different ideas — but by no means a practical guide to adaptation.
My rating: 2.5/5
